Legacy

In the early nineties, my father answered the home phone and I watched as the color drained from his face and a sadness washed over him. I later learned that his father, my grandfather, had passed away and from across the kitchen I had seen the moment my father heard the news for the first time.

That was the first time I was confronted with mortality.

I couldn’t help but remember that moment as I read about the passing of Kobe Bryant over the weekend. I have nothing new to add to the multitude of articles being written but he was still a huge influence on my childhood.

When I was 10 years old I’d dribble my favorite basketball on the driveway and pretend I was just like Kobe. I had no fantasies of being a professional athlete but seeing Kobe go straight from high school to the pros made me believe that I could go places, too, if I’d just work hard every single day.

Growing up in a small town in the pre-internet days, it was tricky to find a role model that made me believe I could move away and be successful. Things weren’t as accessible then. Celebrities (and their stories of success) felt more out of reach than they do now and it was hard to relate to their journeys from my lonely driveway in southeast Kansas. But Kobe (and later LeBron James) were different, along with a small handful of other talented athletes, entertainers, writers, and more. For some reason, seeing Kobe and LeBron make the jump to the pros made everything seem possible.

I heard a great quote recently but I have no idea who said it: “There are two types of people in a small town: those who have to leave and those who can’t.” I was always the former. From a young age, I wanted out. I wanted to move to the big city to chase my dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against my hometown - I just wanted more.

I found more of what I wanted in my life with Stephanie in Chicago. From traveling worldwide for my tour dates to embracing the diverse culture of one of the biggest cities in the world, I’m so glad I ended up here. But seeing a legend die so young made me wonder: Am I doing enough? Am I working hard enough? Can I do more to leave a positive impact on people? Even in death, Kobe continues to inspire and motivate.

I may not ever be one of the greatest who ever lived. I will never own a private helicopter or a mansion in Calabasas. I won’t win a world championship or become MVP. But I do care about my legacy and how I’m impacting the people around me. Kobe’s death (and that call many years ago) are a couple of the many ways that I’ve been reminded of how fragile life can be.

I don't know the true meaning of life but what I’ve tried to do is find something that I enjoy doing and make the most of it. I’m trying to spend every day doing my endeavors to the best of my ability so I can be proud of my work. And I try to use my talents to connect with other people and create joy in their lives.

There are doctors, scientists, nurses, and many other heroes out there doing far more important work - I understand that. But this is where I’ve ended up and I’m going to pour my entire being into it until I can’t any longer.

I hope that years from now, when someone gets a call about me, that they’ll look back fondly at the ways I relentlessly pursued my goals and it will inspire them to do the same.

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Other Thoughts:

• Currently Reading: “Talking to Strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell

• Another good thing about being off of social media was that I found out the news about Kobe in a healthy fashion. I drove up past Milwaukee for a show over the weekend and opened The New York Times app to see the top stories. It was still shocking, but at least I wasn’t reading people’s conspiracies or TMZ’s clickbait. I was reading the facts that had been assembled and verified.

• Catch me at The Magic Penthouse in February and the Chicago Magic Lounge in March!

Respond Accordingly

My college roommate was seven feet tall. He still is. He was a starter for the basketball team and now plays professionally overseas. We couldn’t go anywhere together without someone asking him one of two questions:

“How tall are you?” or “Do you play basketball?”

No matter how exhausted or rushed he was he would always answer their question with a serious answer. The people he talked to would always light up when they realized how friendly and interesting he could be.

No matter your career you probably get asked the same questions again and again, too. For me it’s questions like:

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Are you really psychic?”

“Do you read your wife’s mind?”

“What are you doing in my living room?”

The list goes on and on. It would be easy to get tired of answering the same questions repeatedly but I try not to. Like my former roommate, I always treat the people I meet with respect and try to answer their questions as fully as I possibly can.

Several years ago I went to see a fellow performer’s show and stayed to celebrate with them afterwards. While we were hanging out an audience member approached and I could tell they were gearing up to ask my friend a question.

“Great show!" they said. “How long have you been doing this?”

“About two weeks!" my friend responded with a laugh. Everyone around us laughed, too, except for me and the audience member. I watched their expression turn from excitement to disappointment and had a realization: they really an answer to their question.

This person had probably been trying to work up the confidence to approach us for a long time. They had enjoyed the show and wanted to personally thank my friend for the performance. They weren’t aware that they were asking a question that performers always get asked - they were just trying to express interest in what they’d just witnessed.

My friend had heard that question many times and over the years developed a response that he always gave. Unfortunately, he was forgetting that a funny comeback can often end up seeming dismissive or rude.

It doesn't matter what your line of work is you should anticipate that you’re always going to meet people who are interested in what you do and you should respond accordingly. If you were meeting a person you look up to you then you want them to do the same for you.

The great thing about getting asked the same questions repeatedly is that you can prepare your responses. I don’t mean a canned, hacky response like my friend gave, I mean to actually think out a good way to respond that is succinct, interesting, and can move the conversation in a more interesting direction. Besides, you never want to be dismissive because you never know who you might be talking to. It could be a potential client, a lifelong fan, a new agent, or a person who could make or break your career.

For example, here’s how I respond when people ask me how long I’ve been doing this:

“Over 20 years! I started doing magic of the mind when I was about 4 years old and then ended up going to theater school to study performance. I was doing so many gigs to make extra money during school that after I graduated I decided to do it full-time and I haven’t looked back since!”

I think this is a far better approach. The person who asked the question gets a serious and enthusiastic response. Plus, I sprinkle in other tidbits about myself in hopes that they’ll ask about them, too. Depending on the person they may want to talk about following a passion from when you were younger (I started when I was 4 years old), theater (I have a BFA in Music Theater), being an entrepreneur (I’m self-employed), or the entertainment industry in general.

See what I mean? With a little thought you can turn those repetitive exchanges in life into memorable, interesting moments that won’t be soon forgotten.

I Don't Know & Neither Do You

Earlier this month I read an article about astrology in The New York Times. There were no annotations, no fact checking, no editor’s notes - just the writer going on for several paragraphs too many about their love of astrology and how it had changed their life.

I was dumbfounded to read such useless fodder in the preeminent newspaper in America. I know that you, dear devotee of Thursday Thoughts, already know this, but astrology is a pseudoscience. It has never been scientifically validated and it’s never been verified in a controlled experiment. It’s complete and utter bullshit.

I’m a very skeptical person. (I’m such a Libra.) I don’t believe in anything without evidence, whether it’s a Himalayan Salt Lamp or the biggest scientific theories of our time. It’s important to me to rationalize my beliefs and keep them grounded in the truth. I want others to do the same.

“What's the harm?" I hear you ask, “If it isn’t hurting anyone just let people read their horoscopes and have their fun.”

I’ll tell you the harm: when you act on how you feel instead of what’s real we start to disagree on the truth. This is how we end up in the age of “fake news” and “alternative facts”. Once you start believing in astrology then you may start buying products from Goop, believing in outlandish conspiracy theories, or more. And soon, once you’ve successfully turned off your critical thinking skills, more damaging ideas take hold like Pizzagate or the dangerous anti-vaccination movement.

I know it seems hypocritical to perform as a mind reader while also being skeptical, but I never claim any supernatural abilities. In fact, my mission as a performer has always been to remind people that there are numerous mysteries in the world that we don’t have an explanation for. We don’t need to explain away the unknown with pseudoscience or fringe beliefs. We may never have all the answers and that’s okay.

In these polarized times I think it’s imperative that we remember to weigh the evidence and always question our beliefs, whether Mercury is in retrograde or not. If we could all just be willing to say “I don’t know” then at least we’ve found one thing to agree on and maybe it’ll be a little easier to find some other stuff to agree on, too.

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Other Thoughts:

• If you live in Chicago you simply must check out the Andy Warhol Exhibit at the Chicago Art Institute. It’s incredible.

• I'm at the Magic Penthouse tomorrow night. Don’t miss it!

• Also, we finally had a chance to go to the Starbucks Chicago Roastery aka the largest Starbucks in the world. It’s the most extravagant place to get free wifi in the entire city.

One Month Off Of Social Media

Today is officially one month since I deleted my social media accounts.

You know what? Life is pretty great.

Turns out you have a ton of time for the things you want to be doing when you aren’t spending hours mindlessly scrolling websites that are specifically designed to addict us.

The funny thing is that unless you've read this blog, virtually no one has noticed that I’m gone. No family members have reached out to see what’s going on, no friends have wondered what happened. I’ve had one person let me know they couldn’t find me on Facebook and another person try to send me a message on Instagram - WHY?! - and have to text me instead. Other than that, life is exactly the same.

With my newfound free time I’ve been writing and reading more. I wrote an entire script for a new show I’ve been working on, rewatched some of my favorite movies, and doubled my exercise routine. I’m not worried about what’s trending on Twitter or staying current on social media, I’m only focused on doing the things I enjoy and trying to get better at them each and every day.

Truthfully, it feels like I’ve been off of social media for at least six months. I really wasn’t posting much towards the end. The only difference now is that I can’t login. I can’t see my friends’ posts or scroll through their latest photos. I can’t access my messages and I’m not up on the latest gossip. 

I don’t miss it at all.

I was worried that being off of social media might hurt my career goals or keep me from being informed. Wrong! All of my work comes in the form of e-mail or phone calls, so I’m still just as busy. And I just got a New York Times subscription so I still read the articles and keep up with breaking news without people on both sides yelling at me about it.

Perhaps the most annoying thing of all is when people reference social media away from social media: “Did you see that thing on Facebook about…?” or “Have you seen my Instagram story?” That drives me crazy. I’m really focused on being right here right now and many people are too caught up in the latest online challenge or drama to actually be here with me.

The funny thing is I really believe that this is what most people want, too. They want to escape social media but they’re too scared to walk away.

Someone showed me a post on Instagram and I was unable to hide my boredom, simply saying “Oh, cool.” They seemed disappointed and I could sense a fleeting realization dart across their eyes, as if to say “Oh yeah, this is pretty dumb, isn’t it?” 

I caught up with another friend I hadn't seen for a couple months and asked how they were doing. They said “Well just got back from that trip I wrote about on Facebook and that’s about it.”

I told them I wasn’t on FB any more and therefore I had no idea what they were talking about. And they lit up! I miss that feeling, you know? We used to get such a rush when we had good news to share or something difficult to confide in someone. Now we hurry to the internet to share it with the world without worrying whether it’s helpful or harmful or anywhere in between.

When my friend realized I had deleted social media he started to tell me about where he’d been and what he’d been up to. I could tell he was excited but also that he never did this. No one ever approached a conversation with him without already knowing most of the details. As a result, he’d forgotten how to tell a story. There was no beginning, middle, and end. Turns out when you only have 240 characters to get your point across you start to lose the ability to do it with more.

I think most people are desperate to get off of social media but they don’t know how. It’s simple: you just do it. Stay off for a day. If that goes well, make it a week. Then, go for longer. And don’t fall for the trap that you won’t log on or post but you’ll hang onto the account in case you need to “keep in touch with family or friends”. That’s an easy excuse. You need to delete it if you ever want to rid yourself of the constant impulse you have to sign in and start scrolling. If you really want to keep in touch with someone you’ll find a way. And you won’t have to rely on someone else’s platform to do so.

I’ve been convinced for years that I needed social media to be a good citizen and a successful entrepreneur but it’s not true. That’s just a lie we’ve been sold by corporations in Silicon Valley. You’ll be fine without it.

There was a moment a few months ago when I saw a post on social media that drove me crazy. I fumed about it for hours. I couldn’t get it off my mind. I called my wife to complain and woke up in the middle of the night angry about it.

Then, I stopped.

“What the hell am I doing?” I thought. "This isn't me. How am I letting a few lines of text on a screen get to me so much? Why does it matter? This is not worth my time.” That was the final straw. I’d been thinking about it forever - it was time to finally pull the plug.

That post was cleverly designed to elicit a reaction. That was the whole goal. Someone wanted to stoke the fire and stir up some controversy. They wanted me to complain and get mad and share it with anger and click and comment and write letters to the editor. They wanted to take up a small part of my brain and a large part of my time. And it worked - it fucking worked - but I refuse to let it work on me again.

My wife also deleted her social media last year. She told someone at a party a while back and they said, “But how do you keep up with memes?

Kill me now.

If the main reason you’re on social media is to keep up with memes then you may need to reassess your life. My favorite moments in life have never been on my phone. It’s not a photo or a video or an app or a gadget. It’s not a hashtag or an online challenge or a viral video. My favorite moments are always with people in places doing things that I’ll never forget: seeing the Grand Tetons, riding horseback through North Dakota, skydiving, performing in Dubai, getting married to Stephanie, seeing the ocean for the first time, and more.

I think the reason our phones are so addictive and social media is so popular is that we, as humans, really hate being alone with our thoughts. We don’t like the silence and we hate being bored.

I’m the opposite.

I want to get lost in my thoughts. I want to understand things and philosophize and have long discussions with people about life’s big questions.

I like long runs or car rides or flights where I can get lost in my own head. Being alone with my thoughts gives me time to dream up new essay topics or ideas for my show. Sometimes my thoughts go other places: I can’t get over that dumb thing I said the night before or something embarrassing I said many years ago. But that’s part of life! Coping with difficult feelings is an important and necessary part of my existence. Understanding where I come from, who I am, and how it’s made me into the person I am now are all important parts of getting older and being alive. I want to feel all the feelings and think all of the thoughts…not just the good ones.

Allowing ourselves to be alone with our thoughts is essential. “Oh, that sounds horrible, Mark!” I hear you say. It only sounds horrible because you’ve forgotten how great it can be. You’re so busy distracting yourself with hashtags and trending topics that you’ve forgotten that those things aren’t making you a better person.

Being alone with your ideas, free of distractions and noise, will make you feel more creative, smarter, and less cynical. You’ll start to understand why you have certain opinions, without needing a headline to tell you what to think and feel. You’ll start to dream again, saying “What if I did something like this…?” and remember how exciting it is to actually do something for yourself without needing to show it off to strangers on a website. 

I promise you: it’s worth it.

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Other Thoughts:

• Here’s my reading list for 2020.

• Go here for upcoming shows in Chicago.

• Some big announcements coming soon in 2020 but for now, I’m mostly excited to do shows, run some more races, and travel. Thanks for reading and I hope the new year is off to a great start for you!

2019 Year In Review

Happy New Year!

Check out my annual year in review video:

That’s one second of video for every day of last year. (You can also watch the seconds from 2018, 2017, 2016, and 2015, if you’re interested.)

I love doing the One Second Everyday project because it’s an unpolished, authentic glimpse of a year in my life. Nestled in-between exciting trips and big performances are many cups of coffee, treadmill workouts, and rainy days at home. Every year I look back and see a year full of peaks and valleys, and I’m reminded how much more exciting the peaks are when you can appreciate the valleys, too.

The year started with a trip to Florida for the Orlando Fringe Winter Mini Fest. That festival marked two straight years of festivals around North America. I collected a ton of press and awards, and made dozens of friends with performers from all around the world. But I started to get burnt out, so after the Winter Mini Fest I decided I wouldn’t travel as much in 2019 and just focus on myself.

You know that feeling when someone isn’t into you and it makes you want to get to know them that much more? Well, that’s what happened with traveling last year. As soon as I said to myself “I don’t want to travel as much this year” my phone started to explode with requests for work in all sorts of places. I think I ended up traveling more this year than ever before.

The first big event was in Dubai. It was my first time in the Middle East and I’ll never forget it. Then came a four month residency at the Chicago Magic Lounge amidst events from coast to coast. Throughout the spring I made some appearances on Windy City Live, Good Day Chicago, plus a dozen of the top radio shows, podcasts, and newspapers in the city.

While I was doing the residency at CML I finally got clearance to start running again. After a sprained ankle and broken toe in 2018 I had been taking it easy, but once I went out again I didn’t stop. In the first couple months of spring I ran the Shamrock Shuffle and Chicago 10K. Then, on a whim, I signed up for the Soldier Field 10 Miler. I wasn’t fully trained for it, but it was the best thing I could have done. I finished under my goal pace and was thrilled to know I could finally go for longer distances. So I set my sights on a half marathon in the fall.

After my residency ended at CML I headed to Pittsburgh for a six week run of shows at Liberty Magic. I did six shows a week while I was there. I went to Pittsburgh with a 75 minute act and left with a 90 minute show. Since I was in the same location for a month and a half I was able to focus on other things. Instead of early flights, rental cars, and hotels I could concentrate on writing, reading, running, and more. And, as a result, the show got better and I had more fun doing it.

Something I’ve learned about myself this year is that the amount of shows I’m doing is finally filling a quota for my level of energy. When I was younger I was somewhat hyperactive, mischievous, and full of energy. I thought I was an extrovert. I was loud and a little obnoxious because I had all of this energy with nowhere to put it. But now, I realize that I’m finally channeling that part of me into something useful. I’m using my time onstage to connect with other people in a positive way. Several nights a week, I give people a feeling of mystery, laughter, and an escape from the valleys of their own lives.

With my energetic side fulfilled I’ve found that I am actually quite introverted. Outside of shows I find myself seeking alone time with a book and a cup of coffee. I prefer movies over bars and museums over parties. I am no longer seeking attention in the way I once was. What a lovely realization.

Speaking of movies - I saw some really great ones this year. I highly recommend Parasite, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, Little Women, The Irishman, Midsommar, and Marriage Story. I also saw a brilliant production of Hamlet at Chicago Shakespeare, plus concerts by some favorite artists including Marc Broussard and John Mayer.

Somewhere in the middle of everything I bought a typewriter and sought out a more analog life. I started to really detest social media. It was taking too much of my time. I tried all of the tricks - setting my phone to greyscale, setting timers, not going on apps during the weekends, and more - but none of it worked. I kept scrolling twitter or posting to instagram, but it wasn’t making me happy.

I’ve never been able to build a big following online - offline, though, people seem to really like what I’m doing. I have fans of my live events in Chicago that come to every show I do. So I said back in August that I would delete my social media after I’d tied up a few loose ends. Last month I did exactly that.

The fall and winter were full of corporate and college events throughout the US and Canada. Oh, and I successfully trained and ran the Chicago Fall Half Marathon in a nasty, misty morning that I’ll never forget. I can’t wait to do another.

We also saw Derren Brown's brilliant show “SECRET” on Broadway. In college, when I was feeling a little lost, I found Derren’s work on YouTube and was blown away by his artistic approach to mentalism. I was questioning my career move at the time but that was the push I needed to give it a go. Now, fifteen years later, I’m thrilled to call him a friend.

More than anything, what I'll remember this year is people on their phones. I’ve had to tell people to put their phones down during Broadway shows and Oscar winning movies. I’ve called at least a dozen people out during my shows for causing a distraction, too. My memory of everything I did this year is clouded by people on their phones.

I’m a longtime fan of John Mayer, for instance, and was excited to finally see him in concert. But all I remember is the people on either side of us, mindlessly texting or scrolling their social media feeds instead of being present and appreciating the raw talent onstage. People are incredibly unaware of how their phone use disrupts the experience of other people around them. The glow of your device in my periphery directly relates to how I experience what’s going on in front of me, too.

We saw a Monet and Manet exhibit at the Chicago Art Institute this year - through a sea of cell phones. Hamlet was brilliant, but I can still hear that lady’s ringtone echoing through the theater. Talk about being pulled out of the Shakespearean time period! Not to mention all of the people who constantly bump into me on sidewalks or in the aisles of my neighborhood stores. It’s a shame, but that’s what I remember.

I can’t believe this decade is coming to a close but I’ve always loved new beginnings. In 2020 I’m continuing my push into an analog life. I’m going to work harder on my show and my running and…that’s it. It feels great to be focused and not worried about a dozen other things that don’t matter. And it feels great to be back writing Thursday Thoughts again after a much needed break for the holidays. See you next week!